I am getting married in 5 months. My mum is giving us a budget and we dont know how to ask if his parents intend on contributing to the cost of the wedding. Please help, how do I bring this subject up? What do I say?
P.S I have a fantastic relationship with his parents and have known them for over 5 years. I dont expect them to contribute a lot, more looking to ask if they plan on contributing at all. We are able to do the wedding on the budget mum has given us, but would like to know what their plans are.
Well, in most cultures the bride’s parents tend to pay for the wedding ….but in this day and age, everything is 50/50. So perhaps…depending on your budget u can bring it up to ur fiance and say….my parents are contributing this much…how much are your parents willing to contribute. Note, it also depends on how much the wedding is too, plus how much you and ur fiance intend to put into the wedding as well. Another thing to do is say this is the budget, this is how much we have, and this is how much we need, ( do it during a family dinner or something) and then ask if people can pitch in to help cover some of that…and perhaps they will help.
21 Responses
DeeLee
2010 Mar 23 1You should not ask. Have your fiance ask.
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pspoptart
2010 Mar 23 2You don’t. Both traditionally and ethically his parents don’t have to pay a dime. If they offer that’s wonderful but they are not obligated to so you should not ask. If they don’t offer you can assume they won’t be and plan based on what your mother has given you and what you can personally afford to add to that. If they offer money later down the road then you can expand then.
Take what your mother has offered and be happy with it since most couples have to pay everything on their weddings now.
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blue_girl
2010 Mar 23 3Just have him go to his parents and explain that you are kind of tight on money and wondering if they could contribute anything to the wedding. Don’t ask for a certain amount, just be grateful for anything they do contribute.
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Anne M
2010 Mar 23 4It’s customary for the parents of the bride to pay for the wedding, and the groom’s parents to pay for the rehearsal dinner. If you can’t afford the wedding you want on the money your parents can provide, then you should probably scale back the wedding.
If his family offers, great, but if they don’t, I’d say you’ve got no choice but to stick to the budget your parents gave you. To ask for additional money from his parents would put everyone in an uncomfortable, embarrassing situation, and would really be crass.
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Hemiboy
2010 Mar 23 5It’s customary that the bride’s family pay for the wedding in western culture, as weddings are primarily for the woman’s pleasure. If you choose to differ, then you & your fiance should pay.
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kimandryan2008
2010 Mar 23 6He needs to talk to them alone and ask if they are able to/ plan to contribute anything to the wedding. What ever they offer is a great gift and accept it graciously (not like someone I know who through a fit and caused a ton of family grief). If they ask for a figure, have one ready, but let them know whatever they want to give will be greatly appreciated.
And the days of the brides side paying for it all are over! Everyone I know got money from both side to help pay. It may be the brides big day, but it is the joining of two families. If the grooms side doesn’t want to contribute, then they don’t have to, but it never hurts to ask.
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nutz6ville
2010 Mar 23 7that’s your fiance’s job to approach his parents. It’s nice if they do contribute, but remember that tradition says that the brides family pays
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Susan O
2010 Mar 23 8You DON’T! And that is not the way to start off your relationship with them. Traditional the cost of the wedding is the bride and her family’s responsibility. Unless they volunteer I suggest you live within the budget your mother has set for you.
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Monnique
2010 Mar 23 9Well, in most cultures the bride’s parents tend to pay for the wedding ….but in this day and age, everything is 50/50. So perhaps…depending on your budget u can bring it up to ur fiance and say….my parents are contributing this much…how much are your parents willing to contribute. Note, it also depends on how much the wedding is too, plus how much you and ur fiance intend to put into the wedding as well. Another thing to do is say this is the budget, this is how much we have, and this is how much we need, ( do it during a family dinner or something) and then ask if people can pitch in to help cover some of that…and perhaps they will help.
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honey
2010 Mar 23 10Just go to the local courthouse to get married,very inexpensive,just 30 dollars or so,instead of costing your parents a bunch of money,you 2 are the ones who are getting married right , why should it cost other people money?,think about it !,
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Valerie C
2010 Mar 23 11I’ve never been married before, but I believe the tradition is for the bride’s family to take care of the costs of the actual ceremony/reception, and the groom’s family is supposed to handle the wedding rehearsal/rehearsal dinner (or party). However, if they’ve not mentioned ANYTHING AT ALL, then definitely ask your parents to call his parents to make arrangements and come to some type of agreement about what his family will cover. It wouldn’t look bad at all for your mom and dad to do that…I mean, it’s what they NEED to do.
If you guys are not having a rehearsal dinner/party, then his parents need to take on the reception or SOMETHING. It’s a shame that you even have to ASK his side of the family.
If they say no, then you’ve done all that you can do. However, if No is your answer, then you may have to limit the amount of people that his family can invite to the wedding because of your budget. It’s only fair.
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basketcase88
2010 Mar 23 12You and your fiance sit down with his parents, and ask if they can help contribute to the costs of the wedding. YOU do not ask this on your own, since they may barely know you, and it would be very awkward, to say the least. As a matter of fact, if they don’t know you well at all, it may be best to simply have your fiance ask them, without you even being present. You might also suggest they pay for one aspect of the wedding, such as the music, or the reception hall rental, etc. But don’t expect them to do this, they’re not obligated in any way to do this. You can also get a 2nd job to help defray wedding expenses as well, so can your fiance.
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The Main Man at Yahoo
2010 Mar 23 13Talk to your fiance, he has some obligations to pay some too.
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roy40371
2010 Mar 23 14i know you don’t want to hear this but i can’t resist> If you are getting married you should not have a wedding that you and him can not afford your self. Here you are suppose to be getting out on your own and you already want someone else to start paying your way. All money over $50.00 spent on a wedding is wasted. You could well use the extra for furniture or were you planning on Mommy and daddy paying for it. you should go into this with a logical mind and live according to your means . Don’t be a burden to others all your life.
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miraclehand2020
2010 Mar 23 15Adults do not seek help from either set of parents to get married.How come no one wishes to follow tradition except when they want other people to foot their bills.I am sure you’ve already slept together….oops one tradition out the window.Certain you already live together,oops there goes another one.your mom is making a mistake.She should pay for the cab ride to the justice of the peace.As for his parents,I hope they drive their foot so far up your…oops .oh never mind
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melouofs
2010 Mar 23 16You don’t say a word, that’s your fiance’s job….he could ask if they would be willing to help with something.
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bubbles
2010 Mar 23 17you DO NOT ask them your fiance must do it if he wants them to contribute. Plan within your mum’s budget and then if they do contribute you can have extras or upgrades. congrats on the marriage
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kateqd30
2010 Mar 23 18You dont. Its very rude. Plan on paying for everything yourself and if they decide to chip in some cash then bonus, but if they dont then you will not have planned a wedding beyond your means.
I can not stress this enough, his parents (and yours for that matter) do not owe any sort of money to pay for your wedding, especially in the day and age where couples both have jobs and in alot of cases live together and support themselves finacially. If they want to pitch in they will, if they dont, they wont. You can not be resentful of them if they dont, it is not anyones resposibility to pay for your wedding but your own.
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Suz
2010 Mar 23 19If two people are mature enough to marry, then they are mature enough to pay for their own wedding. If parents offer to help, one may graciously accept their aid.
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Lydia
2010 Mar 23 20You just don’t. Since you and your bf are mature adults, you should be paying for the wedding yourselves!
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Terri
2010 Mar 23 21You don’t say anything at all.
Plan to pay the wedding yourselves, and be pleasantly surprised if they give you money towards the wedding.
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